Whats the lesson?
As ive gotten older (and in theory wiser), ive attempted to figure out the "life lessons" as I go along. Tried to take experiences that are hurtful and dont make sense, and find the lesson in it. I am a firm believer that every one of our experiences and interactions with others are meant to teach us something. And if we dont pay attention,  the universe will continue to give us experiences and interactions until we do learn what we need to.
So, after my recent surgery and now current recovery....I am searching for the lesson. Everyone else seems to have their own theories on what MY lesson is, but I guess im not convinced Ive got it all figured out. So first, I feel a need to give a breif summary of events. Experiences and interactions. And maybe along the way ill draw my own conclusions.

As I wrote previously, my doctor had discovered a "rather large mass" on my right ovary last month and determimed I needed surgery to have it removed. Almost a week ago, I went in for surgery. When I arrived at the hospital with my mother and girlfriend, I was scared but optimistic. Hopeful for the less invasive surgery, and an outcome of "not cancerous." Early in that day, while waiting for surgery, my mother said (almost jokingly but not really), "you really should take in this experienxe. Be in the moment. You want to have a story." And as we laughed at how ridiculous that sounded, we agreed I did need "a story." So, as we sat there waiting......and laughing.....and waiting.....I got my stories. My mother and girlfriend acting like detectives trying to figure out what the writings on the super secret dry erase board meant. The crazy nurse telling jokes no one understood. My conspiracy theory that the doctor    was so late because she left a sponge in the patient before me. Yelling at the nurse to give the guy next to me the drugs when I was post op. Finding out later they "forgot" to take out a polyp in my uterus.
So, I had my stories. But what about the lesson? My dear friend told me (as I was texting her like a crazy person waiting for my very late surgery while my mom and girlfriend went for lunch), that maybe the lesson was patience. That the universe was testing my patience. I responded that I had been very patient and passed that test. She told me I dont get to decide that. That, was true. My girlfriend told me maybe the lesson was  was that I need to be proactive, instead of constantly reactive. That, was true. My mother hinted that I needed to take care of my health and in general, take care of business. Stop avoiding and putting off things. That, was true.
All of these proposed lessons are accurate. They make sense. And maybe the lesson is some big combination of them all. For me, I was struck most by my way of handling the situation. I always thought id be some optimpistic fighter in a situation like this. And the truth, is that I showed up with the same attitude I always do. Slightly pessimistix and giving the bare minimum. I avoided most of my feelings about it all until the day of surgery. And in the days after, I felt a weird combinatiion of grief, empowerment, hopelessness and complacency. I was grieving old habits I felt I had to give up, and I was grieving the temporary loss of things I couldnt do like walk my dog. I felt.empowered that THIS was going to be the moment that pushed me to make changes in my life. Live in the moment, stop bad habits and enjoy the people that I love. I felt.hopeless that I would be able to do all those things. And finally, complacent. Like I didnt care about any of it.
And today, almost two weeks after my surgery.....Im sitting in complacent. So I guess right now, the lesson for me, is that old habits die hard. And having a major surgery doesnt always catapolt one into changes. Changes come from hard work and awareness. So, Ive got the awareness down. Now comes the hard work :)


I had a solid story