Its so interesting to me. The ebb and flow of relationships. You would think I would be used to it. Expect it. Understand it. Accept it. Ride the wave.....go with ebb and flow. Instead I find myself in resistance. Dont get me wrong, the older I get, the more I find myself able to ride the wave. But first, always resistance.

In all relationships, theres a certain change that occurs. Transformation. Struggles. Intimacy. Pushing away and pulling close again. Its completely normal and I believe all relationships are subjected to this. Family, friends, lovers. People change and grow. People have bad days, or months, and it affects all the relationships. And usually, things go back to normal before one can even process the change or temporary difference in dynamics.

So, for me, when faced with these changes, I used to respond dramatically. Becoming needy. Wanting constant reassurance. Any slight change or hint of conflict, I would feel completely insecure. Lost. Crazy out of my mind. And I would take this out on my significant other, typically resulting in that other person pulling away. Over the ladt few years, Ive noticed my way of managing the ebb and flow has shifted. All the same feelings exist, but my behavior has changed. Instead of outwardly expressing my needs in a dramatic, unhelpful way....I now internalize those feelings. And instead, my behavior becomes cold. The wall goes up. I pretend I barely notice the shift, hoping it wont last. And usually, it doesnt. Ive decided its a protective measure. A way to superficially block the overwhelming feelings of insecurity and fear. Fear of change. Fear of loss.

Im thinking there may be pros and cons to this approach.  Pros- I feel more independent and in control of a situation. My significant other isnt pushed away with annoyance of my needyness. Cons- my same feelings exist and maybe Im not being as completely honest as I should be. I still may be pushing away someone but in a different way. I think I have an understanding of where these feelings come from, and why Ive shifted my ways of responding. But it doesnt make it any more comfortable or easy.

How do other people respond to the ebb and flow?